His Wisdom for Her World

I Hear You, Candace! Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win

By on March 20, 2014 in Biblical Womanhood with 7 Comments
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On Monday, Full House star Candace Cameron Bure made her debut performance on Dancing With The Stars (DWTS for those in the know). D.J. Tanner has grown up!

I have been watching Candace for several months now. She first caught my attention with the release of her new book, Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose, where she writes about her life as a child actress, finding faith in Christ, and living that out in her every day life.  Candace is vulnerable and honest in her book and, though a very easy read and at times a little disjointed, it is clear she is walking a journey with the Lord, not always doing it right, but learning each day to become more Christlike.

Candace received praise from Christian women and her Facebook fan base soared when popular media criticized her because she recognizes that she honors God when she intentionally chooses to follow and respect the leadership of her husband. She states, “I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work.”

But the tide quickly turned when Christian women became the critical voice when it was announced she would be on DWTS and because her Facebook was not “religious enough.”  It seems like Candace just can’t win leading her to address her critics on her blog.

Wow, can I ever relate to Candace (minus the cameras, of course)! Sometimes you feel like you just can’t win. There are days that seem like I am constantly bombarded with opposing messages, all coming from the same Christian circles.

  • You’re too passive. . . you’re too aggressive . . . now you’re passive aggressive
  • Lean in….lean out
  • You’re too fat…..You’re too thin
  • You’re too theological….you’re too relational
  • You earned another degree? . . . But you don’t have the “right” degree.
  • You’re too bossy…you really need to act like a dean
  • You’re a spiritual mom . . . but you should have adopted
  • You’re a strong, professional woman . . . but you really shouldn’t be working

 

Ladies, I know you have experienced the same thing!

You are not REALLY a godly woman unless you:

  • Homeschool . . . Public School. After all, it’s a mission field!
  • Baby wise….Attachment parenting
  • Take care of yourself . . . you can do it all (the Proverbs 31 woman did.)
  • Provide homecooked meals . . . What? These Bertolli’s aren’t from scratch??
  • BSF . . . Beth Moore

As a self-proclaimed “people pleaser,” I often find myself acting more like a chameleon, trying to make myself match whatever is that hour’s predominant message. I think it comes out of a fear of being accepted, of having no value, or of being a casualty of the faith. (Have you ever noticed that Christians can sometimes be the most brutal on each other?)

That’s when I have to stop, reground, and refocus on what . . . or shall I say WHO . . . really matters.

Paul asks the Christians in Galatia two questions: “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man?” (Gal 1:10).  A group of people were visiting the churches in Galatia, distorting the Gospel, by telling these Gentile believers that they weren’t REALLY Christians, unless they were circumcised. Nothing in the lists above are anything that drastic, but isn’t that the same message?

You aren’t REALLY a Christian, or at least a good Christian, unless . . .

I must admit this is a hard lesson for me and one that I am constantly re-learning. My only task as a follower of Christ is to obey and glorify God. When I do that, the voices of my critics will fade in the background.

Candace’s openness and commitment to  “[never] stop being the real me to be an illusion of a better but fake Christian version of myself” is refreshing. Maybe we, as women, would all learn more from each other if we exposed our struggles and daily challenges to obey all that God has commanded. And rather than looking for the perfect Proverbs 31 woman on earth, we “looked to Jesus and only Jesus for perfection.”

Candace is not perfect, but neither am I . . . no one is. That doesn’t mean we don’t keep striving to learn each day, keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, rather than on the cacophony of sounds around us, and encouraging one another to do the same.

I am cheering for Candace on DWTS. I love the fact that she can use her talent, maintain her modesty, and declare her faith all at the same time and, hopefully, have an impact on this dark world.  She’s a winner in my book . . . more importantly, she’s a winner in God’s book.

 

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About the Author

About the Author: Terri Stovall serves as the Dean of Women’s Programs at Southwestern Seminary. She co-authored the book Women Leading Women. Terri and her husband Jay enjoy riding motorcycles and roller coasters. .

Comments welcome. Keep it classy.

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  1. cyndi grace says:

    I agree, Terri. No matter what we do there are going to be others who are going to criticize. Keep doing what God tells you to do and you will be fine…that goes for me and all others in ministry, as well.

  2. Adelene Howell says:

    Terri, I agree with everything you say. Women trying to live the way Jesus wants us to is what we always should strive for. I wish more women were more like Candace Bure.
    May I also say how much I admire you, and how proud I am to have been a small part of your life
    Love you and Jay,
    Adelene

  3. Barbara says:

    Love this! So true for so many of us in leadership. I gave up trying to pleasing everyone a long time ago and focus on pleasing the Lord. I don”t always get it right, but there is peace in the efforts.

  4. Carol says:

    Something else that we can”t win at is the humility issue. “Be more humble!”
    Sometimes a bright, cheerful, extroverted, confident woman is taken by others to be too proud and lack true humility.
    There is nothing much for annoying than false humility.

  5. Karen says:

    Thanks, Terri. So true and transparent. I am also realizing that God uses all of us differently. We are each unique. God wants us to be different organs in the body, not all the same one! (To use a Biblical analogy).

  6. Jana MacKinnon says:

    Candace has taken bold stands for her faith in Christ. She is constantly seeking ways to glorify the Lord. Her Facebook is filled references to God. I think people need to be less judgmental and give much more praise they way Candice is being used by God. As for her being on Dancing with the Stars, what a great avenue to shine the light of Christ. Way to go Candice, you are an inspiration!

  7. Delia Emeid says:

    I absolutely agree with you and I thank God for Candace”s example that you can be strong in the Faith and enjoy life, look great and dance, always doing things in a way that would honor God.
    The Lord has asked us to be a light in this dark world that we live in.
    I was so excited to see Candace dance, I also like to dance I”m not as fortunate to be on DWTS but I dance at home with my kids and my husband and that doesn”t make me less spiritual.

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